A Hot Mess
I was contemplating my life this morning –my troubles –and how, from the outside looking in, it all looks like a hot mess.
Then, in response to those thoughts, what popped into mind was the scripture where Jesus tells His first disciple, Peter, that He will build His church upon him.
(Matthew 16:16–18, NKJV):
16 Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
17 Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.
18 And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.”
Pause.
My next chain of thoughts was this:
Who was Peter – actually?
According to the Bible, he was:
· One of Jesus’ closest disciples
· The first one called
· The witness of Jesus’ first miracle (the miraculous catch of fish)
· The one who walked with Jesus on water
· The one who saw Jesus transfigured on the Mount of Transfiguration
And the list goes on…
Then I was reminded of an “aha” moment I’ve had about Peter before. Let me explain.
If you believe in the above-listed Bible events as I do—or even if you leave out the miracles and treat it ONLY AS A HISTORICAL DOCUMENT describing events that once took place—you might still reach the same conclusion as I did:
That Peter was also a hot mess.
Why?
Because reading further, those same scriptures state that Peter – the SAME MAN who experienced all those things, who lived with Jesus for three and a half years spreading the gospel – is the SAME MAN who also denied him THREE TIMES.
Three times, when asked if he knew Jesus during his arrest, Peter said:
“I don’t know this man.”
Forget the miracles if you don’t believe in them. Even treating the Bible as a historical account, you must see it, you MUST agree with me, that what Peter did to Jesus, his BEST FRIEND, was a rotten thing to do.
But THAT is the person Jesus chose to build His Church on –the founder of the early Church.
THAT’S not random. That’s a MESSAGE in itself.
And it’s important.
I want to present this message to Christians first and foremost. Especially those who are on their high horses, thinking that their lives are so orderly, righteous, and PURE. Considering that the one whose betrayal, fear, and weakness were the biggest and ugliest of all was chosen as the founder of His Church, that should more than anything else drive home THE POINT of our relationship with God:
That it’s not about OUR “goodness,” OUR “righteousness”, OUR “dedication.” Or even OUR “faith!”
We can’t do a THING without God. We need Him for everything.
Peter, with his example, made that point perfectly clear.
Take me—I’ve experienced so, so many direct interventions from God in my life —miracles, answers to prayer—and I’m just like Peter.
God can shower me with as many signs as He wants; watch how quickly I forget them. Watch my doubt, my flesh, my humanity, my weakness roll in when troubles come.
Watch the “old creation” in me resurrect when the storms come pounding against me. Watch me cry and crawl.
Forget my “perfection.” That’s just another code name for “ego.”
So, these were my thoughts this morning.
Next, I was reminded of something I felt God tell me once, through a piece of writing I was working on. In that text— an imaginary dialogue between me and Jesus, but based on a real, ongoing internal conversation with God and real-life events— I wrote this exchange that startled me after I’d written it, because I didn’t feel like I wrote Jesus’ response myself. It felt given to me:
Me: “What do you mean?! You want me to just bare my heart completely? Everything? Like some fool? Be open about all my weaknesses? And this crazy mess?”
Jesus: YES!
Me: “But why? Is it because when I’m weak, you’re strong?” (This question was based on a scripture in 2 Corinthians 12:9)
Jesus: IT’S THROUGH YOUR WEAKNESS THAT THEY’LL BE ABLE TO SEE ME.
This morning, I was reminded of that same dialogue. I felt again that I shouldn’t try to hide the problems and difficulties I’ve experienced— and still do.
I was reminded of the same truth I’ve been taught before:
That the protective barriers we erect against the world, as shields and armor against people’s judgmental eyes, also hide US. And they hide God’s work within us.
But when the protective barriers are removed, that’s when He shines through.
We think we need them to protect us; we make them our armor, and behind them, we disappear. We never show up, we never truly live.
That’s not the armor I want you to carry, I felt God say to me. Let Me be your armor. When you open the windows and doors to your heart and show the world who you are in your naked vulnerability, it also allows them to see Me rise in you to protect you.
And then another scripture came to mind – but with a twist. I felt God say:
Put your HOT MESS on a pedestal.
The actual scripture is below. But instead of putting a lamp on a stand, I felt God tell me to put MY HOT MESS on a stand.
Luke 8:16–17 (NIV)
A Lamp on a Stand
“No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed.
Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.
For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.”
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